Today is the sacred pilgrimage back to the office for much of the Western world. Christians, agnostics, casual believers in festive carbohydrates, all marching together after the great Christmas hibernation. You may not believe in God, but you absolutely believe in paid time off, mince pies, and pretending January is a fresh start.
And yet somehow, every year, someone is offended by a headline claiming Christmas has been cancelled. Cancelled by whom. The same people who put a tree in the lobby and play Mariah Carey on loop until HR files a restraining order. Calm down. Christmas is alive. It just smells faintly of reheated ham and printer toner.
If this rant applies to you, congratulations. There are many roundabouts you have not yet painted. Consider it a life goal.
But back to the matter at hand. Returning to the office.
Statistically speaking, there is a strong chance you are reading this while perched upon your porcelain pie skin throne. The first day back ritual. Outlook loading. Teams messages ignored. The ceremonial bathroom break that lasts exactly as long as it takes your motivation to die again.
This is not procrastination. This is reflection. Deep, meaningful reflection, echoed by tiled walls and the distant cough of a coworker who also regrets all of their life choices.
So here is your guidance for the year ahead.
Have a great year. Smash some goals. Pretend you will use a planner. Flush with confidence. Wash your hands like a responsible adult. Sanitize your phone like a paranoid raccoon. Or maybe sanitize the phone first and then wash your hands again because now you are thinking about it too much and everything feels dirty.
This is productivity. This is culture. This is the office.