The Refrigeration Engineer As the New God
Somewhere between the pews of patriotism and the pulpit of paranoia, America crowned its newest savior, a refrigeration engineer. A man who fixes the ICE machine, not the “illegal immigrant” problem. But hey, details are hard when you’re too busy saluting your own reflection.
The confusion is poetic, really. A nation that mistakes cruelty for conviction would, of course, mistake a repairman for redemption. “He makes ICE!” they cry. “He must be one of us!”
Bless their chilled, irony-proof hearts.
It’s not that the engineer wanted worship. He just wanted the compressor to stop rattling. But next thing you know, someone’s kneeling in the Home Depot parking lot, asking him to baptize their AR-15.
This is America in 4K absurdity. A place where faith means “my side,” freedom means “my rules,” and Christianity is just the dress code for nationalism’s Sunday best. We’ve canonized commentators and crowned conspiracy preachers as prophets. The Book of Matthew never mentioned Facebook Lives, but that didn’t stop anyone from rewriting the gospel in red, white, and algorithm.
So, if you hear the whir of an ice machine tonight, breath and relax. It’s not divine intervention. It’s just someone doing their job.
The real miracle would be if America could tell the difference.