Let me tell you a tale. A tragicomic saga. A cautionary fable for anyone brave (or foolish) enough to list a nearly new Schwinn bike trailer on Facebook Marketplace.
The trailer? Pristine. Lightly used. A top-tier chariot of childhood joy that once promised adventure and fresh air. Retail price: a minor heart attack. Listing price? A gentle sigh. Practically giving it away cheaper than dinner for two at Nando’s. It even comes with a flag, for heaven’s sake. It’s aerodynamic. It’s practical. It’s… unsellable.
Scene 1: The Inbox of Broken Dreams
As soon as the post goes live, the messages start trickling in.
👤 “Is this available?”
Yes. Yes, it is. That’s why it’s listed. Why do you ask?
👤 “What’s your lowest?”
Mate, the price is already lower than my self-esteem after sitting through six series of “Love Island.” But sure, let’s play limbo. How low can we go?
👤 “Can you deliver to Stoke-on-Trent?”
Sure, if you pay for petrol, snacks, my time, emotional labor, and a session of therapy afterward.
👤 “I’ll come at 5.”
They do not come at 5.
They do not come at 6.
They do not come at all.
You tidy the garage. You miss dinner. You question humanity. And the trailer? Still sitting there, looking smug, like it’s part of a sociological experiment on seller resilience.
Scene 2: The Bargain Brigade
After five ghostings and one bloke who tried to trade it for a set of golf clubs “missing only 3 irons,” you’re now just shouting into the void.
You rewrite the listing:
“Still for sale. No, I won’t take £10. No, I don’t want to swap it for an aquarium or a budgie cage. No, I will not hold it for you until next month’s payday.”
You start wondering if maybe you should just donate it to science. Or strap it to a passing Uber and hope for the best.
Scene 3: The Bargaining Monologue
You imagine future you, standing by the curb with a cardboard sign:
“Free trailer. Comes with a bottle of red wine and a warm sense of betrayal.”
People will stop. They’ll ask if it comes with instructions. You’ll say yes, but mostly emotional ones.
⸻
And yet… it’s still for sale.
Probably.
It might also be a time capsule of disappointment by now.
If you or anyone you know is in the market for a lightly used Schwinn trailer (with more emotional baggage than mechanical wear), drop a message. Just… don’t ask if it’s available.
We both know it