Thereâs something magical about Cleethorpes. Maybe itâs the sea air, maybe itâs the suspiciously sticky arcade carpets, or maybe itâs the fact that no matter where you go, someone is eating fish and chips.
But not all chippies are created equal. Some are divine vessels of battered glory. Others serve you cod so dry it could be used as insulation in a 1970s council flat.
Letâs sort the seagull bait from the seaside saints.
1.
Papaâs Fish & Chips â The Vatican of Vinegar
Situated on the pier like Neptuneâs own fast-food cathedral, Papaâs is massive, ostentatious, and somehow always has a queue longer than a royal funeral.
đ§ The fish? Crispy. Moist. Textbook.
đ The chips? Thick-cut and fluffy, like little golden clouds from a carbohydrate heaven.
đŞ The decor? Somewhere between Titanic dining room and Brexit-themed wedding.
They serve it with mushy peas in actual ceramic pots like youâre dining at Downton Abbey if it was located inside a theme park.
⨠Verdict: The gold standard. Bring your nan and your Instagram followers.
2.
Ernie Beckettâs â The Grease That Time Forgot
This is what people mean when they say âproper chip shop.â The signage hasnât changed since 1983 and neither has the oil.
âď¸ You can taste the heritage (and possibly the radiator fluid).
The batter clings to the fish like a childhood trauma. The chips? Burnt on the ends and raw in the middleâjust how granddad liked âem.
đ˝ď¸ Itâs ÂŁ7.50 for a full portion and a side of existential doubt. But itâs cash only, so prepare to time-travel to 2004.
⨠Verdict: Perfect if you like your fish fried and your arteries challenged.
3.
Ocean Fish Bar â âWeâre Open!â (But Should They Be?)
Some call this a âhidden gem.â
Others call it âthe place where I got food poisoning on prom night.â
đ The fish is suspiciously uniform, like it was 3D-printed in a factory in Wigan.
The chips come in a polystyrene coffin and smell faintly of sadness and Febreze.
To be fair, they do offer gluten-free options, which is nice, because at least one thing on the menu will definitely disagree with your digestive tract.
⨠Verdict: A culinary coin toss. You might love it. Or you might hallucinate your great-aunt Sheila on the bus home.
4.
The Chip Box â The Late Night Gamble
You go here when:
- Youâve had six pints at The Studio Bar
- Itâs after 10 p.m.
- Youâve temporarily forgotten what dignity is
Itâs all served hot, fast, and aggressively wrapped in enough paper to decimate a small forest. The fish is⌠technically fish. The chips are angry, crunchy things that may or may not have ever seen a potato.
But at 11:45 p.m. with curry sauce dripping down your wrist, itâll taste like salvation.
⨠Verdict: A spiritual experience best enjoyed while drunk and barefoot.
5.
Steels Corner House â For When You Want To Eat With Cutlery
This is not just a chip shop. This is an institution.
White tablecloths. Real plates. People who chew with their mouths closed.
â The portions are hefty. The peas come in a ramekin. The haddock is so fresh it could slap you and demand better treatment.
Itâs the place your parents go when they want to âmake a day of it.â Itâs calm, respectable, and thereâs a 40% chance someone in there is named Mavis.
⨠Verdict: The Queenâs choice (if she ever fancied Cleethorpes).
Final Thoughts: In Cod We Trust, But Bring Wet Wipes
Cleethorpes might be cold, windy, and slightly hauntedâbut by God, they know how to fry things.
Whether youâre chasing nostalgia, heartburn, or a side of regret with your salt and vinegar, thereâs a chip shop here waiting to serve you.
Just follow the scent of deep-fried hope⌠and the screaming of seagulls stealing someoneâs sausage.
đ˘ Bonus challenge:
Tag us in your next fish & chip feast and tell us:
Did you achieve culinary enlightenmentâŚ
or just pay ÂŁ11.95 to be betrayed by a soggy batter slab and warm Tango